


Letting Go

by smolfluffymarshmallow



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-29
Updated: 2016-07-29
Packaged: 2018-07-27 06:30:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7607419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smolfluffymarshmallow/pseuds/smolfluffymarshmallow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Seokmin and Seungkwan were happy together. They were young and already dreaming of their lives together, but sometimes life has a different plan, and sometimes two people that seemed destined to be together for along time, suddenly get ripped a part. Sometimes you don't get to say goodbye, but maybe this time you do.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Letting Go

**Author's Note:**

> This is purely fiction. I don't want this being used to push your ships and make my kids uncomfortable. I don't ship seokkwan romantically, and I debated over writing this as purely friends or as something more, and obviously if you read this I went with them being boyfriends. This, though sad, is for someone who loves these two dearly. I'm sorry, I was planning on writing happy Seokkwan for you, but this came to me instead. As I was writing this, I thought about Day6's song Letting Go, thus the title. I took it a bit darker though, and it wasn't originally inspired by the song, but regardless it fits with how I wanted this to go, read the lyrics. (ps stan day6, stan talent)

Seungkwan tried to open his eyes, but the white light was too harsh on his eyes. Where was he? Why couldn't he see anything except white? As his eyes began to adjust he saw a nurse come rushing in then back out to grab a doctor saying something about how the patient was finally awake. So he was in the hospital he thought to himself. His head was fuzzy and he could barely focus on the doctor that came rushing in with what he could only assume were interns and other nurses. He heard someone say something about contacting his family and friends, but it was all mumbled to him. He was able to focus enough to understand that the doctor was going to pull the tube out of his throat. As his mind started to awaken his thoughts sped up. What had happened... how long had he been here for... all he remembered was seokmin laughing and then... no oh God no... seokmin... SEOKMIN. His eyes started to dart amongst the faces in the room. What had happened to his best friend?

"Seokmin, where's seokmin?" He managed to choke out with his hoarse throat.

The people in the room just looked at each other without answering him, everyone avoiding his gaze. The room felt like it was closing in on him. What weren't they telling him. 

"Seokmin. Where's seokmin?" He tried raising his voice, but his throat was too raw to support his efforts.

"You've been in a coma for 9 months." The doctor started, but Seungkwan wasn't having it.

"Seokmin."

"I'm so sorry. Your friend.... your friend passed away in the accident." The doctor looked at him with sadness in his eyes as he uttered his sentence, his death sentence seungkwan thought.

It wasn't possible. They had to be mistaken. 9 months. Seokmin... seokmin... no he couldn't be. Seungkwan's eyes kept darting back and forth as if he was reading an invisible piece of paper with what the doctor had just sad. When he finally processed it, he couldn't stop crying. His best friend was gone. His head felt like it was spinning, and he didn't remember falling asleep, he just did.

What was left of Seventeen had come to visit him along with his family everyday. It took Seungkwan days before he could speak. He stared at the wall as if all the joy and happiness had been sucked out of him. The day he broke was the day the members finally let the younger two in. Seungkwan couldn't keep it together when he saw both chan and hansol crying infront of him. He was able to go back home after a week. The members had still lived together in a sense even after 3 years. They were able to find a home, 2 per room, except one had to have 3. Seungkwan had of course shared a room with Seokmin. They were together and had been for the past 4 years. Cheol had set him down before letting him go into the room, telling him that if he couldn't handle it that he could stay in his and he'd sleep on the couch. He knew he was going to have to face it sooner or later, so he did.

Seokmin's mom had come and taken most of his things already, leaving a few things behind, mostly clothes seokmin would share with seungkwan. No one had known if seungkwan would survive, and Seokmin's mom needed to be able to start the healing process. Seungkwan didn't blame her, he just felt empty and alone. He passed by the pictures they had put on the wall together one drunken night, running his hands over each memory. They had laughed so hard that they both cried. The picture of their first date during their trainee days, they were so afraid of being caught back then. The picture of the night they had gone on the rooftop, seokmin made some dumb joke about the stars and seungkwan's eyes, it was the first time they had said I love you to each other. Seungkwan curled up on seokmin's bed, no longer able to take any more memories of the past. He felt so drowsy, but he swore he could still feel seokmin there.

Time went by, though to seungkwan everything felt distant, unmoving, nothing felt real. The members tried to help best they could, but they were all still hurting too. Seungkwan kept seeing glimpses of Seokmin everywhere he was forced to go. He thought he was losing his mind. He missed that smile so much, and the way seokmin's nose would crinkle up when he laughed.

He finally worked up the courage to go to Seokmin's grave. He wanted to do it alone even though the members begged him to have someone go with him. He didn't want anyone else to see him cry. He traced his fingers over Seokmin's grave, stopping at the date. Tomorrow would be one year since Seokmin had passed. The day of the accident came back into his mind, they were all so happy. It was their third night in a row of a sold out show in Seoul, and the end of their worldwide tour. Seokmin had taken Seungkwan to the rooftop that night while everyone else celebrated downstairs. Seokmin had preplanned taking their dinner up there and had even set up a blanket and some fairy lights. Seungkwan probably would of teased him if he wasn't so touched. It must have taken Seokmin a lot of courage to be so romantic like this. They sat side by side on the roof for hours, seokmin convincing seungkwan to hold hands the entire time, even though it made eating a hassle. They talked about the future, how they wish they could have a family someday, 3 little ones or more. They wanted to share the love their parents had for them to their future kids. Seokmin started getting tense, and seungkwan noticed. 

"Yah, just tell me what's wrong. Are you having second thoughts? Seriously what is it?" Seungkwan kept going on and on, in a teasing manner because he didn't like seeing seokmin stressed or sad. "Yah, you know I love you, so just tell me, I can-"

"I LOVE YOU." Seokmin blurted out and instantly regretted it, putting his hand in his face and his drink down. Why did he say it like that? He lowered his hand down and linked it with seungkwan's, moving his body so he was half facing him. "What I'm trying to say, is that I love you, and I want to marry you even though we can't in this fucked up world. I just want you and I want you to know that." He rambled on with a shaky breathe, and took out the ring in his pocket. "Even though the world may not recognize us as something real, I want the two of us to show it to each other."

"I love you Seokmin, always." They were crying and hugging and just a complete mess as they placed rings on each others hands. "Always" had seemed a lot longer then.

After that, they had gone down and told the rest of the people closest to them. They all laughed and shared drinks. On the way home seokmin and seungkwan had sat in the back together, laughing away. Seokmin had taken seungkwan's normal spot, pouting until Seungkwan caved. "Why do you want to sit in that spot so bad?" "I already have the other side of your face memorized." Seungkwan blushed, and whispered "I love you, you fool." Seokmin brought his face real close and whispered "I love you, always." That's when the car had hit out of nowhere, the last thing seungkwan remembered seeing was seokmin's smiling face then blinding light. A man had gotten drunk after his girlfriend broke up with him, he was out of control, and in his rampage he ended up tearing two other lovers apart.

Seungkwan sank to his knees letting all the pain pass through him as he thought of all the memories he had with Seokmin and all the plans they were making together for their future. It was so unfair and Seungkwan couldn't handle. If Seokmin hadn't taken his spot in the car that night... It should of been him, not the love of his life that died that night. When he finally stopped sobbing, he looked up to see seokmin reaching out his hand to stroke away his tears. It wasn't possible, it couldn't be.

"H-h-how?"

"I asked for a year. It ends tomorrow and I have to say goodbye. It wasn't your fault you know? I need to make sure you know that."

"How couldn't it be my fault! I was supposed to be sitting there! I'm supposed to be dead not you!"

"You forget that I begged you. That a man decided to get drunk and tear us apart! It wasn't either of our faults!" Seokmin and Seungkwan were both crying again. "Promise me.... dammit seungkwan look at me! Promise me that you won't give up, that you'll live your life happily without me. I need you to be happy. Please just promise me. I don't have much time left."

"I... I promise. I love you. Always." He choked.

"I love you. Always."

As their lips parted Seungkwan opened his eyes, Seokmin was gone. He'd never see him again after that day. He was able to say goodbye, and though it hurt, it was the beginning of learning how to let go and move on with his life, for Seokmin, but also for himself. One day he'd love again, and one day he'd have a son and name him after the most beautiful, pure man he'd ever known.

***I'm worried the end came out cheesy, I hope it didn't ruin it. It was also a bit rushed.


End file.
